Occasionally I enjoy writing it, more often I dread it; but most of all I crave the day when I can write that I won’t be writing, at least for a while now, because the tumour has gone into remission.Ivan Noble’s tumour diaryThursday, 12 September 2002 My life and that of my family has just been turned upside down. Last month I was a healthy young man in my mid-thirties looking forward to working part-time, taking care of our baby daughter and making plans for next year. Now I have just been told that I have a fast-growing tumour inside my brain. Reading between the lines I understand it is something that an older man would have little chance of beating.

With youth, determination and a lot of support on my side, I intend being luckier.The shock has been enormous. I have spent many hours wandering around starting to make cups of tea or fill the dishwasher and then just forgetting that I had started And the fear, for some days, was paralysing. I often had the urge just to lie down and sleep.But, as the days have gone by, I have my nerve again.Talking and talking, to friends, family and anyone who would listen has helped.Tuesday, 1 October 2002This week I have put my toe in the waters of medical information on the internet and have given myself a real fright. I came across a site where a patient who said he had the same tumour as I have, described asking a doctor how many people with our condition are alive three years after diagnosis.

“None,” was the reply he quoted.I decided not to believe what I had read It is easy to terrify oneself like I did. The great luxury I have is that my partner is a biologist who works in cancer research. It has been a massive shock to her to suddenly have her career made intensely personal in this awful way, but in the circumstances, her knowledge and contacts are very useful for me.She has the unenviable task of sifting through information on treatments and giving me the positive stuff.Thursday, 3 October 2002The noise of the radiotherapy machine is the best thing. I have been in four times now and each time I find it really inspiring. It is a powerful combination of ticking and shushing, and I am convinced it is doing me the power of good.A friend said to try to imagine the tumour melting as I am being irradiated I think it is working. I have another 26 sessions to go and fear really has given way for me to the countless number of things we have to organise. Treatment could affect my fertility, so I have decided to deposit sperm.